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“Why am I going through this?” - psychologists explain how to find meaning in isolation



In the new coronavirus reality, many had to retire and limit external contacts. The usual rhythm of life has been violated, and some do not understand how and with what to fill in the formed time. Restrictive measures are beginning to be gradually lifted, but it is unlikely that they will be able to return to work in the office before June, and it is now that the accumulated stress and uncertainty are making themselves felt especially strongly. What to do, what to do, where to look for answers? Our questions about how to live comfortably in four walls were answered:

  • candidate of psychological sciences, senior researcher at the Institute of Psychology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, practicing psychologist Maria Padun,
  • psychologist and business consultant in IT Anastasia Kalashnikova .

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I am not a supporter of recommendations. What suits the shoemaker does not suit the tailor. Everyone has different values ​​and semantic supports, which is why psychotherapy exists. I want to speculate on this topic, and I hope that someone can find useful points for themselves.

If we talk about the prevention of emotional disorders in quarantine, the first thing that is associated with them is a depressed state, lack of vigor and the desire to get out of bed.

I'll start with the body. We are used to the fact that our body is a certain mechanism that should work well, and we exploit it as much as possible. But you need to understand that the brain is also part of the body and quite expensive. 20% of all energy received goes to the brain. If the body has problems with the production of this energy, then the brain will not feel well. Accordingly, taking care of the body is the # 1 concern.

It is known that we need fresh air (in the current conditions, this is probably a well-ventilated room), enough sleep, food that will satisfy the need for nutrients, but not overload us, otherwise we will spend extra energy on digestion and maintenance excess weight. It is also known that our body needs physical activity. According to WHO recommendations - 150 minutes of aerobic exercise per week. This is a little, only about half an hour a day, and then not every day. But in this, each individual needs. We would like to have a solid contact with the body, which leads to an understanding of its needs.

Recognizing the needs of the body is a separate practice. Many do it absolutely naturally, but someone has blocks. It seems to me that in our country most people are not characterized by good contact with the body. There are practices associated with meditation that fix attention on the processes in the body and teach to recognize what is happening there.

From the Editor: By the way, we recently discussed meditation in a podcast. But remember that we are not real psychologists and talk about meditation only from the perspective of subjective experience.


Let's move on to emotions. Mood is a steady emotional state that lasts days or weeks. It is clear that everyone would like to be able to manage it. The mood forms how we live emotions, and how much they are present in our life. However, we cannot directly affect emotions. We cannot force ourselves to rejoice or be surprised at something, be inspired or be interested. It is clear that people live emotions through interaction: with themselves or with the outside world: with information, people, activities. Most of the time in self-isolation for many is still spent on work. If a person does what he likes, he draws positive emotions from the activity. Another source of emotion is relationships. If we are physically isolated from other people, this does not mean isolation in principle.The positive emotions from a live contact, of course, are more vivid and lively, the online format imposes restrictions, but this is something that should simply be accepted.

Acceptance per se is a cognitive strategy, that is, it takes place at a cognitive level. If a person tells himself that “this is so,” he refuses to manage the situation. In the story of coronavirus, accepting sad reality is what liberates. At the same time, we can experience sadness, and this will be a normal emotion. It’s not normal to fight this situation. Other people are now fighting it - in hospital wards and intensive care units. In general, negative emotions are the norm of life, and in a situation of global mental trauma, as now, it is doubly normal and this should be allowed. Truly lived sadness does not lead to depression.

Sources of experiences are also different. It can be working moments, the process of self-development, games, etc. During the day we experience a lot of emotions, but in crisis situations negative ones can sometimes prevail, and this is also normal. The problem arises when a person experiences completely negative emotions - he is worried about the news, then he is saddened by loneliness, then takes alcohol or eats too much and feels guilty. Then he needs help.

To experience emotions, you need a certain relationship with time and some degree of responsibility for the quality of your life. It is clear that we are limited now, we are weaker than usual, and we can afford to spend more time passively. We have the right to this, it is important to look for what specifically can be good for me right now. But if a person completely removes this responsibility from himself and transfers it to external forces (crisis, nothing good will happen, you need to sit out), then he throws himself and goes with the flow. Empty days pass, but we are so arranged that we need to experience emotions. And then there is a risk of addiction to food, alcohol, TV shows or from games and social networks. If at least part of the day you manage to do what the person considers right and important, then a sense of conformity is formed - self-esteem,self-worth and self-esteem are confirmed. This is important, because another phenomenon of emotional disturbances is a lack of conformity when a person says: I don’t like myself like that.

Separately, I want to say about relations with the future. Today's situation is traumatic because it strikes our most varied needs - from the basic security need to life prospects. There are people who live more in the present and live this time, using the opportunities that exist. It may be easier for them in something. Others are more accustomed to relying on goals and prospects, constantly keeping them in the focus of attention, as an important support. If now some goals and plans have turned out to be impossible, then it makes sense to consider the possibility of setting new goals (perhaps mini-goals for the period of quarantine). Now many of my colleagues warmly recall Victor Frankl, who in the concentration camp found meaning for himself and was able to set goals, thanks to which he not only survived,but also became the founder of a whole psychotherapeutic area - logotherapy. But we are not in a concentration camp, we have incomparably more opportunities in this situation of limited opportunities.

Scientists know that, experiencing loss or crisis, people tend to look for meaning in them. We ask, “Why am I going through this? What can this give me? ” Answers do not come immediately, and they each have their own.

Anastasia Kalashnikova:


To maintain a cheerful mood, first try to understand how you have it at all. Any troubling thoughts? What are they talking about? How do they manifest themselves? Do not run after trying to be positive at any time. It is very important to have contact with yourself. Including the understanding of disturbing thoughts. The first thing to do accordingly is to look at yourself and your condition. Rate it. To analyze.

The next step is to try to answer your question: how can I support myself? What can please me of the possible that surrounds me? Do not dismiss this question. There are no ready-made answers without your participation. Look around. Is any of what is nearby pleasing you?

It is very important during the isolation period to maintain the habits that are inherent in our lives - to comply with the schedule, wash, dress for work. Organize your schedule so that the feeling of isolation is naturally minimized.

Chat with friends. There are many web meeting opportunities to help keep you in touch. If you find in the first paragraph disturbing thoughts that you are willing to share, do it. Finding support among loved ones is a very important step towards taking care of yourself.

Watch out for food. Try to adhere to the regime that was. Now more often than before, I want fast carbohydrates, so it is important to monitor what we consume.

Give up alcohol. Do not abuse it. Remember the important point - alcohol works as a depressant. It seems to bring relief, but it is not. More precisely, this relief is very short-lived and only becomes more alarming behind it.

Treat yourself with care. Do not try to keep up with all the prospects that have opened online. Rather, try to listen more to yourself, your desires. Experiences. Joys. It is a walk with your inner self that helps in such a difficult time. In fact, it is precisely this that gives the greatest opportunity to draw attention to your "I".

Take care of yourself!

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