🆔 👨 🎦 Costume 🎟️ 👨‍👩‍👧 ⌚️

I need a new suit. Wonderful gray English wool costume.

I thought about the suit and realized that I was afraid to say it even in a whisper. Because nearby - my smartphone. Which, as I was convinced, can even read lips. Secret Spy.

We somehow got used to the presence of Big Brother in our life. Moreover, Google and Facebook know more about us than we ourselves sometimes know about ourselves. But lately Big Brother seems to have taken me seriously.

It all started, perhaps, last Thursday. Veronica called me at the end of the working day and asked me to take her to the airport early in the morning. The day before, she bought a huge discount tour to Israel. I was twisted by this news - I remembered shooting in the synagogue last weekend and imagined where cheap tours could come from, but Veronica never bothered with such nuances. Having lied to my missus about the early meeting, I grabbed Veronica near her house, and we drove towards the highway.

At the very exit, a huge billboard flashed the video camera and flashed an ad “Visit the resorts of the Dead Sea!”. Veronica giggled, and I only shrugged in surprise. The following advertising medium recommended an interest in Israeli cosmetics. “Stay in Eilat!”, “An unforgettable tour of the Bible places!”. Posters flickered before my eyes in an endless string, and it seems that in the end I completely disconnected from reality.

Not that I didn't take any security measures, no. When traveling somewhere with Veronica, I always put on a cap with a huge visor, which I pulled on my eyes so that the road was only visible. Veronica, with obvious displeasure, but, nevertheless obeying my insistent request, put old-fashioned half-face-sized dark glasses on her nose. But it seems that this has ceased to act. Yesterday we drove a brand new Toyota for the company to the office, and I asked the boss for one day while my old Ford languished in service. So it was impossible to identify us by car. Now we were all given out to Big Brother with our heads. The question was only who would know about my adultery before - my boss or my wife Barbara.

But nothing of the kind happened. That's just every second ad that Google now palmed me outplayed the same plot. A muddler in a crumpled suit, which is pulled on one side by a fat ugly aunt in a baggy dress, and on the other, a young brunette in a miniskirt, and an offer to buy two units of something for the price of one. Judging by the picture - just my case.

And then I bought a TV. I spent the whole evening at the computer, comparing the characteristics of various models, options for coasters, connections, bonus packages and all that, and in the end I chose the new Samsung with a tiny silver frame around a huge screen. At the same time, I listened half-heartedly to how, on the news, they talked about the entry into force of the “Bill on the Prohibition of Anonymous Purchases” from the next day. The smug Senator Sales, the author of the law, endlessly rattled about the benefits of a new approach to sales, about what enormous bonuses buyers will receive when they purchase a manufactured and customized item specifically for them. And the next morning I went to the nearest hypermarket.

The camera above the entrance to the electronics department blinked an amber light, and then something unusual happened. I noticed with lateral vision how the price tags on the monitor screens also blinked and updated. And the new numbers were more than double the old! And from the depths of the hall, the department manager in a dazzling white shirt was already walking towards me, smiling.
- John! he exclaimed enthusiastically. Well, you can't do that, John! The last time you bought a new TV was almost 2 years ago! During this time, 4 generations of equipment have been replaced! And what innovations! Nano points! The color scheme, adjusted to the colors of the interior!
He grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me to televisions of all brands and types displayed in the endless row of the trading floor, without ceasing to scream all the way.
- In addition to any model, you will receive a free subscription to a hundred channels of any content you are interested in! A six-month subscription - you won’t repeat your feat without changing your TV for so long?

I was annoyed not so much by his assertive manner as by the constant, flickering here and there, awareness of the tastes and preferences of mine and Barbara, clearly in the sight of which he mentioned the channel with recipes twice. And then, as if by the way, once again repeating about the breadth of choice, he threw my elbow and, continuing to chatter, folded his hands in a very unambiguous way: the index fingers are closed at the top, and the large fingers are at the bottom. It got dark in my eyes.

It was the logo of the porn channel, which I sometimes glanced on Saturdays when Barbara went to parties with friends or left for mom. He looked, naturally, through a bunch of encrypted connections and anonymous servers. I stopped his further outpourings, paid for the most expensive model that was offered to me, and went away from the store. And after all, Senator Sales's physiognomy, which barely fit on the screen, continued to broadcast from all directions.

But it turned out to be flowers. The next day I discovered that I was falling into a complete stupor, if necessary, to buy at least something more expensive than a can of Coke. I stood for half an hour before entering the nearest supermarket, unable to push the door, while happy shoppers laden with bags and boxes pushed past me in a crowd. Stunned by this discovery, I went on a walk around the city, wondering what to do now. Damn it with everything else - but I need a new suit! The boss sends me to the conference for the first time, but I won’t speak to important bosses in sweaters and jeans. Yes, and I myself have long wanted to purchase it.

Turn to a familiar psychoanalyst? He once helped me during another family crisis. Not that I felt much better, but I did follow one piece of advice given in passing - I started dating Veronika. How much will he take from me now? Probably no less than what I save because of my forced stinginess.

Immersed in gloomy thoughts and pretty cold, I finally agreed to accept an agent with some kind of super-beneficial offer, which he called me for the second week in a row.
Barbara left to chat with her friends, and I opened a bottle of gin and began pouring myself a glass without diluting it. A middle-aged whip appeared on about half a bottle, refused to drink at least a glass with me, and began from afar in an insinuating voice. We discussed the last golf matches of the same Senator Sales and his Bill, and when it was time to move on to the topic of his visit, he suddenly said in a low voice
- John, and you know that your wife Barbara has a secret bank account in one of the Caribbean jurisdictions?

In a different state, this news would probably excite me, but then I just chuckled and thought that I could have guessed before. No wonder her dad sued for so long because of his fraud with real estate. As for Barbara’s accounts, I probably was even grateful to her that she didn’t drank my brains about money, as her friends did to her husbands without exception. Even though this was my father-in-law.

Seeing that this information did not produce the desired effect on me, the whip continued with somewhat less enthusiasm.
- In the near future there will be a new law on the return of illegally exported capital. The procedure will be very gentle - after paying the tax and a fine, the funds will be considered net. But they will not immediately be available to the owner. The government accredits a network of private financial organizations that will offer investments in certain industries interesting to the state, with low, but guaranteed income, and the right to sell shares no earlier than five years later. I, as you probably guessed, represent one of these agencies, registered literally last week.

Well, I thought. Very reasonable procedure. I wonder what it will feel like a husband to me out of the shadow of a millionaire? However, now I had slightly different problems.

“I said well after a pause, thanks for the warning, but this is not my money, and they are earned, I suspect, before our marriage to Barbara.” Why did you come to me?
- The choice! He breathed noisily. - There will be many agencies, and in the very near future they will join in a fierce battle for these very rather big capitals. The wife will probably begin to consult with you - you offer her exactly our company! You will say that you are familiar with one of our founders, you have heard only the good, well, you will find a way to convince her!
- Yeah, I see. And what will I receive as a reward?

- 2%! he exclaimed. 2% of the funds invested through our agency will be reserved for you. Unfortunately (he depicted sorrow on his face), the law does not allow us to issue them in cash. But we are attracting a network of firms of various kinds and are creating a kind of closed club, whose members will have significant discounts on the purchase of travel services, restaurant services, car bookings, and more. Our network, he said pointedly, will also include a chain of suites and coats clothing hypermarkets. They sew - he paused even more meaningfully - great suits.

Yeah, the costumes. I gulped down my glass and broke a bottle of gin on the head of the super agent.

I’ll spend the next year at Colorado Springs Correctional Facility. I did no serious harm to the little one; his forehead could have pierced the walls. But this, of course, was no reason to let me hit the head with a bottle. As an experienced trader, he insisted on absolutely breathtaking compensation, which I rejected with laughter, and the poor lawyer in shuttle diplomacy ran to me and from me continuously. In the end, we came close to the real numbers, but here the lawyer made an unforgivable mistake. He seemed to tell me that the “Bill on the Prohibition of Anonymous Purchases” does not apply to those serving sentences.

“Well, I said, as it were, by the way, but if I nevertheless agree to a prison term, what will be the conditions of detention?”
The lawyer waved his hands - you don’t even need to think in this direction, but I suggested discussing this at least in a joke mode in order to distract from gloomy thoughts.
- Honestly, the lawyer began, the rights of prisoners have recently been somewhat expanded and there is clear control over their observance. Although this, of course, is ridiculous. As a curiosity, I will show you - he rummaged on the Internet - clothing options that every prisoner can choose for himself at his discretion. Previously, it was only one look, well, you saw these bright orange hoodies.

Among the options presented in the picture were the robe and pants of that very pale gray shade in which I could only imagine my new suit. I literally closed my mouth to the lawyer and signed an agreement on the conclusion for one year and refusal to pay any material compensation.

Sometimes God leads you to a goal in unusual ways.

Costume

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