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Suddenly: quotation marks against obscurantism. Whatever that means

There are really important things in the world. Maybe there's. Must be. Yes, anyway.
But there are things “important” in the world. Feel the difference? “Important” things are full at work, in politics, on television and the Internet. Today we’ll only talk about work.

So, we (and maybe you) at work have individuals who like to give importance to what they do and say. From the outside, it looks funny and comical, and ridiculous. Although, if you do not pay attention to importance, a miracle happens: you stop noticing it and begin to believe. And everyone around us begins to believe.

So the “important” things disappear, and the important, Important, IMPORTANT, and SUPERAVE appear! I am for this to not be. Everything should be adequate to reality. Therefore, when I read letters and listen to speeches, I always apply a filter to them. It already automatically works as a predefined smoothing and blurring of the background in the smartphone’s camera.

The main filter, of course, is quotation marks.

Quotes


The targeted use of quotes began for me by accident. It is clear that sometimes they do this sometimes - show quotes with your fingers - but not systematically, but from case to case. And then they added me to the chat League of developers.

For a second - I’ve been doing programming 1C for 15 years, but I can only call myself a developer for fun. And there are guys and girls who have been practicing 1C for a maximum of 8 years. But they are the Developer League.

I tell them: let's rename the chat room, I have two options: the “League” of developers or, even better - the League of “developers”. Offended. And I liked it.

And I began to mentally add quotes wherever common sense requires it. Basically - to written messages, of course. Since then, very strange messages have reached my brain. I will give a few examples.

Colleagues, on such and such a date we will have a “strategic session”. It will "discuss" plans for the "development" of the company, the "results" of the year, and a collection of "ideas" from employees will be organized.
Ivan, there appeared an “urgent”, “important” “task”. “Needed” for you to appreciate it.

Dear Colleagues! Something needs to be done “urgently” with “performing discipline”! This attitude to the terms of “tasks” from the leadership is “unacceptable”!

To all company employees! Urgently "familiarize yourself" with the new version of the "process" for managing "sales"!

Well, etc. The arrangement of quotes has turned into a funny game, a kind of direction, when the same script (the source text) can be painted in different intonations.

Quotation marks look great on all sorts of posts, ranks and achievements.

For example, on Habré I have a Legend icon. Just kill, and there should be quotation marks. I am not a Legend, but a "Legend." And better - "Legend, EPT."

Around me there are project managers, “project managers” and “project managers”. Feel the difference? Immediately the whole world is hidden, the history of life, fate.

And there are so many “specialists”, nowhere to spit. “Analysts”, “consultants”, “sales managers”, “sales” managers, “heads” of departments, “team leaders”, “team leads” and team “leads” - there is nowhere to put a test.

Quotation marks, of course, are best kept secret. At least, you should not write letters with quotes to people who do not understand this - it will look like a kindergarten.

But inside my team, I shared this method a long time ago. It works magically - people just stopped writing “important” messages because they know that they will be read through quotation marks. Anyone who has written some kind of “importance” immediately becomes a source of healthy humor. This is very uncomfortable, so the "importance" in messages is quickly treated.

Whatever that means


The second filter in my “rating”, or rather, the modifier - “no matter what it means”. It is used, unlike quotes, in both written and spoken language.

Usually - where someone is trying to seem smarter than they really are. There is such a technique for reasoning - either to put in a word that no one knows, or to say a phrase that is inseparable from the context, without setting forth the whole context.

I will give a couple of examples from the Internet and communication with colleagues. I can’t resist in places and use quotation marks.

A new entrant in the quantum computing market (whatever that means) with “unique technology.”

Good afternoon, colleagues. According to the “assignment” of the manual, each department should formulate a “Product” (here they put the quotation marks themselves), which you “produce” for customers. Whatever it means.

Kostya said that we need to establish cross-functional interaction. Whatever it means.

Colleagues, Vasily Viktorovich asked me to convey that he would be late because his temperature is too low. Whatever it means.

Using this modifier in a team quickly teaches people to speak normally. So that you don’t have to ask again what the person means, where the legs grow from, and what for he said it at all.

Absurd Modifiers


When quotation marks and “whatever that means” does not fit, you can modify the phrase in an arbitrary way to give it an absurd color. The principle is simple: we believe that the person who wrote or said the phrase wanted to joke, or give his words a humorous connotation.

Particularly suitable for news headlines and articles. Let's try it.

FAS, for no reason, for no reason, prepared a bill, "dangerous" for the IT industry. Well, so as not to get up twice.

Wargaming, for an unknown reason (even to themselves), forbade the use of the word "Blitz" to its former employees. Whatever it means.

Global migration: in Windows 10, after updating, you cannot create a local account. How to live now ... That's all, boys, we disagree.

“1C-Retail Checker”: we meet an updated line of tariffs “1C-Goods”. Why are you sitting? Meet, meet!

Microsoft has combined Word, Excel and PowerPoint in one Android application. Microsoft In the android application. In one. I'll go.

Why Masterhost was doomed: an inside look. Maybe it's for the better?

Suddenly: A simple trick to control procrastination. And you sit and do not know procrastinators.

Please stop recommending Git Flow. First find out what it is. But stop recommending already.

A new participant in the quantum computing market (what?) With a (next) unique “technology”. And you drink tea from a bag.

Immediately I apologize to the authors of the headlines - I have nothing against you, I didn’t want to offend anyone, and I don’t express my attitude to the topics of the articles by applying “filters”. It's just that you are now in the “tops” of two sites, and then look for examples of laziness beyond the “top”.

What the hell?


I’ll explain everything now. Importance acts like a whirlpool funnel, whether it be work or personal life. I won’t touch upon personal life, everyone will figure it out, and at work, importance is evil.
It starts small. Here are people sitting, adequate, normal, working, smiling and happily going to work. And then the importance comes up.

For example, someone suddenly becomes an Elder. Programmer, developer, manager or cleaner. Or everyone has projects, but for someone - An important project appears. Or Important customer. Or a strategic direction.

And here comes the key point - how will the others accept the importance. If the project will be called "important", but not important, then everything is in order. If importance takes root without quotes, then write is gone. The first brick in the wall of importance appears.

And there the next one will appear, and very quickly. The importance is bewitching - both its owners and outside observers. It begins to penetrate everywhere - in communication, in priorities, and in the distribution of resources, including monetary resources.

The one who has gained importance is afraid to let go of it, because importance gives advantages, even if sometimes invented ones. ChSV loves the importance of lunch, and will defend it, no matter what.

And then miracles begin. Importance begins to cover up incompetence, failures, and even own frank stupidity. Importance becomes an integral part of work processes, because without it it turns out that most of the kings that surround you are naked. And who wants to stay in the middle of the office without pants? There are, of course, such personalities, but they are looking for the public in other, more crowded places.

Normal, adequate work processes, results, achievements and failures begin to hide under the importance. Importance fills everything that happens, like a sticky, sticky resin. It becomes impossible to move - not just to change something.

If you want to talk with an important guy - be kind, respect his importance. No Hello, just Hello. You can’t "have an idea" - only "I ask you to consider the possibility of implementing the following proposals." Don’t try to write “you don’t have to do anything, I’ll do everything myself, only approvals are needed” - only “I know that nothing will work without you, therefore I ask you to consider the following issues, in terms of implementation, at the nearest Program Committee, if possible, Of course, understanding your schedule ... ".

The main thing is not to miss the growing importance at the very beginning. The higher it grows, the more difficult it is to get rid of it later. In this sense, importance is like weeds.

But the crap is that importance cannot be eradicated once and for all. You need to work with her constantly, because the desire to increase your own importance is one of the instincts inherent in a person. You can’t eradicate it, you shouldn’t even try. It is only necessary to track the sprouts, and weed the garden.

I have seen several times how importance spoils companies. For example, he worked in a company where there were only programmers, a couple of sellers and a director. No hierarchy, importance, everything is on “you”.

Then off and on. Projects have appeared. Of course, they are more important than ordinary minor maintenance tasks. There were a lot of people, department heads were appointed. They didn’t do anything, they didn’t even pay extra money for the position, but you can’t drive up on a lame mare.

Then the accountant, whom no one had noticed before, suddenly announced that the full-time driver first takes her (to the tax there or to the store), and then - programmers and managers to clients.

Then I added fuel to the fire - with career steroids I got the position of "Director of Quality" (whatever that means). And this really didn’t mean anything, just against the backdrop of the growing importance of everything around, I wanted to take some “honorable” place in the hierarchy. Then came the financial, commercial and executive directors.

In general, these are former programmers and sellers who suddenly become important. That's all, the office is over. Almost everyone who was in the beginning left. I can’t say that this is bad or good, but I don’t want this for my team.

I like working more than licking someone else's or my own importance.

Well, that’s it. Thank you for reading my “article”. “Hopefully,” she will benefit you (whatever that means). Well, what.

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