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7 habits that will turn any introvert into a master of communication

Hello! I am Sasha, Exness Global Learning & Development Manager.

I have been working on the topic of adult development for over 10 years. The focus of my interest is the growth of novice leaders.
In this article, I share practical observations on how an introvert can quickly learn how to manage a team.

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“What would you prefer - to jump out of the plane without a parachute or to be at the dinner table next to a stranger? If you have chosen the first answer, do not despair. You are far from alone. ” Larry king


Every second IT introvert, having received a managerial role, admits that it is difficult for him to interact with the team.
Leadership involves a significant amount of communication, meetings and dialogues. Without this, it is extremely difficult to lead people along.

A leader who is not used to communicating with people usually experiences the following difficulties:

  • Avoids communication , and often ignores leadership functions as such. It does not fill out the meaning of the activity, sets goals without a complete picture, does not share feedback, and gratitude to the team is given to him with difficulty. Squeezes kind words, drop by drop, as if from a pipette, when HR presses with its procedures.
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So, intuitive attempts to change the situation lead to the fact that the manager is an introvert:

  • Starts to read , and a lot. However, he cannot turn knowledge into a skill, theorizes. Finds thousands of reasons not to use tools.
  • Suffers in management training groups. He wants to get knowledge in the lemma / lemma / output format, and not look for an individual approach. He wants simplicity and predictability in people's actions.
  • Observes the leader: finds among the environment a decent role model and tries to adopt the details of behavior. It turns out ineptly. The image of an ideal leader begins to seem so inaccessible that there is a desire to give up instead of looking for your individual style. Moreover, the newly-minted leader does not always realize what he is doing to himself an idol.

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It is difficult for an adult to change. Immunity to change comes to the fore (“Rejection of Change,” Keegan / Lehi). Even realizing the need for change, we prefer to keep the habit instead of developing a new skill. Since any change requires effort, we come across a fear of ceasing to be ourselves.

Therefore, it is necessary to move in small steps, forming light rituals that will subsequently bring noticeable improvements.

There are seven proven good habits that will help you set up communication with your team:

1. Turn into an observer.Learn your team as a NatGeo researcher. Get interested in your guys as individuals: learn about hobbies, plans, moods, weekends and vacation plans. Show your interest, get an interest in you in response. The better you know the characteristics of your people, the easier it is for you to manage through interaction.

2. Expand your usual conversation horizons. Take the initiative in the conversation. Make a list of safe questions to get you started. Eliminate the “case” question: it cuts off the path to real communication. Include specifics: “What do you think of drones?”; find out: “Where was on the weekend?”; discuss the latest news. Let a colleague really tell something, and not wave away the answer “normal”.

3. Look people in the eye.Raise your eyes from the screen during a conversation, train a direct look. Opt out from smartphones and laptops in meetings. Eye contact has tremendous power. It is he who forms the impression of a person, captures attention. A number of cognitive processes are activated in the brain, since a signal is received about interaction with another person.

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4. Find your emotional outlet. Our reactions are physics. When educating a different format of behavior, it is important to throw off the accumulated, rejected. This is especially true for the manifestation of vivid emotions, expression in interaction. Learn self-control, but leave a place to rest alone: ​​sports, games, songs or 10 minutes of silence - to each his own.

5. Tell tales to children.Replace reading with retelling. Young children instantly give feedback about the plot and style, keep you tense and attentive: "About the wolf already, there is no need to repeat it." This habit allows in a safe environment to develop an important skill of storytelling, the formation of key thoughts in a conversation and the ability to respond to the interlocutor’s feedback.

6. Get to know yourself. Try to identify topics that are close and pleasant to you, analyze your own way of thinking. Begin to form your working circle of communication - with whom it is easier for you to spend time. Find a couple of colleagues who are fun to interact with. No need to force yourself out of the zone of communicative comfort. Let the habit begin to form.

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7. Develop empathy- the ability to recognize the feelings of another and to properly respond to his emotions. This skill will inspire the team and lead people along. First, teach yourself to understand your own emotions. You can listen to the body - the heartbeat, breathing and muscle tension will help you realize the condition. Voice the emotions that you experience: "I am proud of your project", "I am indignant at the undermining of delivery times." By naming your feelings, you provoke another to share yours.

The material is based on the observations of one ambiververt (a person who possesses the traits of an introvert and an extrovert at the same time), confirmed by own practice and in the studies of neurophysiologists.

Decided to delve deeper into the topic?

- View: “Introvert Power,” Susan Kane
- Listen:Expert Networking for Introverts with Karen Wickre
- Read: “How to Talk with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere,” Larry King.

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